Plan B
by CarmenBlack212
Summary: Written before DH. Harry and the Order's defeat of Voldemort. I don't own Monty Python...


"You all remember Plan B?" Harry asked the Order members. Due to the death of Dumbledore, upon coming of age two years ago, Harry became the unofficial leader of the Order of the Phoenix. And now he was leading them to ultimate chaos. Hermione Granger had informed Harry that Voldemort had chosen to attack the Ministry again, as he had those four long years ago. The few Ministry workers that had been at work that early Saturday morning, Hermione included, weren't faring well. Harry gathered up the Order members that he could find, and they rushed to the Ministry of Magic.

Harry was at the head of the group, as always, with Ron by his side. Behind them stood Ginny, Neville, Tonks, Remus, Mad-Eye, and Katie Bell. All had been called at the last minute, everyone was a bit flustered, but they all had kept in mind their well rehearsed plan, should anything go ill with Plan A: the plan consisting of just fighting and trying not to be killed.

"Yes, Harry," Ginny said impatiently. "We all know what to do. Let's just go!"

"Ok," Harry began. "Ginny, come with Ron and me. Neville and Remus, you go that way." He pointed down a hall to the left. "Tonks, Mad-Eye, head down there." He pointed at a hallway opposite them. "Remember, if you find them; send your Patronus out here. Katie will be waiting for it. Good luck. Don't get killed."

Katie watched the group split up. Sitting, she hummed to herself. Not out of peace, but in order to use the idle time she had. She didn't like Harry's orders much, but everyone took them without question, and she, Katie, was no different. Katie smiled a little at this thought. He had always been able to do that, hadn't he? Take charge. And better yet, he was a good leader. Still, she couldn't help but chuckle. The only Order member younger than Harry was Ginny. Who would've ever seen Mad-Eye Moody taking orders from a nineteen-year-old?

A brilliant flash of silver skirted in a circle around Katie, blowing all thoughts from her mind. The silvery stag made another circle around her and headed back down the hall that Harry had led Ron and Ginny down, dissolving into a mist on its way.

Katie jumped up. She bolted down the hall that the Patronus had came from. There were four doors on the way down the hallway, and each opened only to reveal an empty office. The door on the end, however, seemed to almost glow with foreboding light. She hurried to it and, sure enough, could hear the voices of her friends shouting. She turned around quickly and ran to get the others.

Skidding into the main hall, she cast an eagle-like Patronus down each hall, hoping it would reach the others. After an excruciating minute, Tonks and Mad-Eye appeared.

"Down that hall, last door!" Katie shot at them, and before they had even stopped moving, they were gone. Remus and Neville, it seemed, had been farther away, and it was lucky her Patronus had reached them. As soon as they arrived, she wordlessly took off down to where Harry had sent the first Patronus from. Remus and Neville followed.

They burst into the room. It was terrible. The bodies of a couple of dead or unconscious workers could be seen, and those standing were dueling. Katie, Remus, and Neville hurried to join them, though even including those who had been at work that morning, such as Hermione and Seamus, the Order was hopelessly out numbered.

The fighting continued on for what seemed like and age. Hermione could be found casting spells at Lucius Malfoy, and Seamus was ducking spells that a still-masked Death Eater was throwing. Harry was ruthlessly sending curse after curse at Bellatrix Lestrange, with Neville standing nearby. Over the noise, Tonks could be heard shouting.

"Harry! We can't keep this up!" she cried, hastily repelling a curse from the dark-haired woman she was fighting. Hermione's shrill shriek filled the air, and for a fraction of a moment, everyone glanced her way. It seemed that Malfoy would delight more in killing off a Weasley than a muggleborn. Ron was pinned between the hard stone wall and the tip of Malfoy's mahogany wand.

In the second of quiet, there was a huge crack, and Lord Voldemort appeared amongst them. Deathly silenced filled the air, but as Voldemort opened his mouth to speak, Katie knew they had no choice but to execute Plan B. Before Voldemort could make a sound, she put Plan B into action.

"Some things in life are bad!" she sang, at the top of her lungs. "They can really make you mad! Other things just make you swear and curse!"

In the moment of shock that followed this outbreak, Neville continued the song.

"When you're chewing on life's grizzle, don't grumble, give a whistle! And this'll help things turn out for the best!"

"And… always look on the bright side of life," Ginny picked up. She whistled a bar from Heart and Soul.

"Always look on the bright side of life," added Seamus, ending with a terrible attempt to whistle like Ginny did.

All the Order members were bopping their heads to the tune as Harry continued, "When life seems jolly rotten, there's something you've forgotten, and that's to laugh, and smile, and dance, and sing!"

Hermione maintained the song. "When you're feeling in the dumps, don't be silly chumps! Just purse your lips and whistle, that's the thing!"

Now the whole Order had joined together to sing, whistling between each line, "And… always look on the bright side of life! Always look on the bright side of life!"

Everyone broke off for Tonks to sing out, "For life is quite absurd, and death's the final word, you must always face the curtain with a bow!"

With a smile, Remus followed with, "Forget about your sin, give the audience a grin! Enjoy it; it's your last chance anyhow!"

The most proud voice by far echoed after that, as Ron trilled to Malfoy, "Always look on the bright side of death!" Ron paused to whistle into Malfoy's face. "Just before you draw your terminal breath!"

Harry sang the next few lines directly to Voldemort, "Life's a piece of shit, when you look at it. Life a laugh and death's a joke: it's true!"

Ron grinned. "You'll see it's all a show, keep 'em laughing as you go!"

Harry nodded, and looked at Bellatrix. "Just remember that the last laugh is on you!" he added, pointing at her knowingly.

As the Order broke into the chorus lines again, they started their tap number. The Death Eaters looked on in complete shock and confusion. Their Lord had arrived. These idiots were supposed to be screaming their heads of and throwing themselves off balconies in fear! So what the hell is all this singing about?!

Ginny and Hermione began the singing again, "Life is quite absurd, and death's the final word. You must always face the curtain with a bow!"

"Excuse me," Harry sang, walking to Malfoy. "Is that my friend you've trapped there? I see."

"I- well-," Malfoy stuttered, unconsciously adding to the song.

Ron smiled and cried out, "What a stroke of luck!"

Harry pushed aside the unsuspecting Malfoy and moved Ron away from the wall. "I'll take him off your hands!"

The Order grinned broadly as they began the finale of their tune.

"Always look on the bright side of life! Always look on the briiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight-."

They all stopped for just a moment as Harry cheerfully shouted, "Avada Kedevera!" and hit Voldemort squared in the chest, knocking him dead. With a dramatic motion, the Order finished, "Side of life! Side of life! Side of life!"

There followed a half a minute of utter silence. One Death Eater slowly began to applaud, but was hit by the one next to him. With dawning realization, the Death Eaters turned slowly to the lifeless corpse of their dead master, and then to Harry, who smiled charmingly. One by one, the Order shot down each Death Eater, confiscated every wand, and tied them all up for Azkaban. And that, my friends, is how Harry will win the Second War. He and his clan of knights- I mean, he and the Order of the Phoenix will show tune Voldemort to his doom.


End file.
